InsaneJournal

Current mood:

pensive

[public entry]
private

I hate Dante Rovian.

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My sister is officially pregnant. She's officially pregnant with my other sister's baby. Kinky, isn't it? Aren't there laws against that? Isn't it, like, incest or something? I'm kidding. I'm really happy for Gabi and Ace. I'm happy, to a lesser extent, for Angie too. I know she wanted to be able to do this for Gabi, but I also know she's the one who'll be suffering through midnight cravings and back aches and swollen ankles and getting fat and then that horrible, awful pain of child birth.

I really shouldn't admit that it kinda makes me laugh to think about all of that, right?

Things have slowed down for me so I'm just enjoying the beginnings of spring in NYC. I was reading over my journal this morning and I realized how much crap I haven't disclosed here. At this point, those things are probably best left forgotten. Only I can't forget them. So. I don't know. Whatev.

I was in a show for Angie during Fashion Week. We both said we'd never work together, but it was an emergency situation. One of her models came down with a serious case of food poisoning the night before and she needed a replacement. It was kinda fun. I don't hate her and we got along fine on short notice, but in general, we've got too much history. Me telling her that her design sucks or her telling me my ass is too fat for her design? Well. That's just it. Neither one of us would censor ourselves the way it's necessary to in a good business relationship. Besides. She always wanted me to make a name for myself based on my own merit and I respect that.

I also finished the shoots for the summer edition of the VS catalog and looking at the preliminary outtakes, it's pretty hot. I was happy with them.

I was thinking about taking a vacation. Away from NY. Not for work. Just to get away and breathe for a couple of days. It depends on Lorenzo and whether or not he thinks he can afford to skip out on work for a week or so.

Sometimes it still catches me off guard to know that I could go anywhere. Anywhere in the world. Three years ago, I'd barely been outside NYC a handful of times and even then, only to Canada or Jersey or upstate New York. Now, if I want to fly to Dubai for the weekend, I could. Not only could I do it, but I wouldn't just be another face in the crowd. That's so weird.

Anyway. He's mine. I told him so.

He says I've been his for a long time now.

private: Hannah only

He brought another girl to Angelina's show. Not Lorenzo. I would have gone off on him from the runway like nobody's business.

Dante. Not only did he show up at the show – just a few days after our fight – he showed up with another girl. So who is she, right? Is she the reason it was so easy for him to give up on our friendship? On whatever we had? And how long has he been seeing her? A few weeks? A few months? Like I'm going to believe anything he says now anyway.

She wasn't even that pretty. Not that looks are everything. Ok. She's pretty. Tall. Really tall. Almost as tall as he is. Tall enough to be a model, but she's definitely not the model type. I could tell. She looked . . . smart. Like the type of girl who thinks people like us are beneath her. Like fashion and looking good are just wastes of time. Well, my waste of time netted me a multi-million dollar modeling contract, so how does she like that, huh?

I know I shouldn't care. Things with Lorenzo are . . . serious. I think. I want him. I want to be with him. I am with him. He's mine.

But what the fuck is wrong with Dante? I mean, if he was seeing someone else, why couldn't he just man up and admit it? I never lied about Lorenzo, but he couldn't be straight with me about this Bella chick? And what kind of cracked out Twilight name is that, anyway?

Shut up. I know she was born before the books were written. I just. I don't LIKE her. And I don't like HIM. I'm so mad at him right now!

I haven't spoken to him since after the show when I did go a little off on him. Maybe more than a little. Whatever I said, he deserved. I do stand by that.

He's not the same guy I used to know. He doesn't say what he means and he doesn't mean what he says. We used to be so close. We could tell each other anything. Now, when I look at him, he might as well be another stranger on the street. It's gone. Whatever we had. It's gone.

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