nyt_rp: cross posted
When: February 19, 2009 @ 7:00PM
Where Eva Manoso's apartment
Who: Eva and Dante
Rating: PG-13
Open: No. Completion of earlier log.



I get the feeling you're not going to be first in line to sign up for being BFFs. He threw her a look. "Really. What makes you think that?" She said he wasn't perfect and he had to bite his tongue. Yeah, 'not perfect' was a huge understatement. To Dante, Lorenzo was a verbally abusive, brash person who was far too rough around the edges. He wasn't safe. He...he wasn't what she deserved. He knew he was on the outside looking in, but all Dante saw was the beginning of an abusive relationship and it wasn't something he was good at dealing with. "You want me to be honest with you, Eva? I'm upset because I think you're making a mistake getting back together with him and I think you made a mistake getting involved with him in the first place." He fell silent after that, letting the words hang in the air.

Like it was any huge surprise that Dante thought she was making a mistake. She'd needed to hear him say it, though. Why? Eva didn't know. She just needed him to look her in the eyes and say it for once, to say what he was really thinking instead of masking it behind heavy silence and tight smiles. "It's my decision to make, D. If you thought it was such a bad idea, why'd you let me do it?" She was blaming him now? No. No, she wasn't. Her actions, her decisions, they were all her. But it was still a valid question. If he really thought she'd been making a mistake this whole time...he had a great way of showing it.

For a valid question, it sure had a way of making him look at her like she was crazy for a minute there. Why'd he let her do it? "What do you mean, why did I let you do it? You did it before I even knew what 'it' was." He sounded annoyed all of a sudden. Rather, a little more annoyed than he was previously. "Plus, how the hell was I supposed to know this other guy you had feelings for was going to turn out to be someone...." He stopped. Uh oh. He had caught himself but it was too late for that. Now it was going to wind up being a matter of damage mitigation. "...someone that was going to treat you like this?" That worked, he guessed.

"I'm not talking about that." She said the word as if she were disgusted he'd even taken it to that place. She wasn't talking about sex or what she'd done before she'd confessed. "If you thought I was making such a mistake seeing him - after the fact - why didn't you just say so? I mean, are you upset because I'm with him...or because...I'm not...with you?" He wasn't the only one who was more annoyed and frustrated now than before. "Was going to be someone who...what?" Eva crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him expectantly. ...someone that was going to treat you like this? Her brows arched. "Like what? And I don't think that's what you were going to say."

Oops. Misunderstanding! "Because I thought you liked him. I thought you wanted to be with him. I thought he wouldn't be bad for you. Who was I to get in your way? Hell, who am I now to get in your way?" That last sentence didn't really help his case, did it? When she asked if he was upset because she was with Lorenzo or because she wasn't with him, he was stunned into silence by the sheer bluntness of the question. "I...look, if you were with a guy who wasn't so goddamn abrasive and didn't make you go back and forth like this - one day you hate him and the next you're back with him - I wouldn't be upset. I just don't get it. I don't see what you see in him so I don't understand what the fuck you're doing with him. All I'm seeing is what you're letting me see, and what you're letting me see hasn't been great. For fuck's sake, the first and only time I ever met the guy...well, you know what happened!" He threw his hands up. "But I don't know what I'm going on about, like it's going to change something. You're going to keep defending him 'til you're blue in the face and at the end of this stupid fucking conversation you're still going to be on the rollercoaster, so I am going to just shut the fuck up and let you do your thing." He pushed off of the counter and started to make his way towards the doorway leading to the hallway. Whether she let him leave the room or not was another story altogether.

He'd thought she'd liked Lorenzo. He'd thought she wanted to be with him. He'd thought Lorenzo wouldn't be bad for her. Well, Eva couldn't exactly argue against any of those points. She had liked Lorenzo. She had wanted to be with him. Or, at least part of her had. And she still didn't think he was bad for her, so to speak. And when Dante asked who the hell he was to get in her way? Well, all Eva could do was let out mocking, That figures, sort of scoff. "Right. Exactly." Exactly...what? She said it like that was her entire point. That he had no right to try to stand in her way, in the way of what she wanted. Or...maybe it was that...the way he backed off, seemed to talk himself out of fighting with her over Lorenzo, was nothing more than she could expect from him. Her question hadn't pulled any punches. It seemed to take him a second to gather his thoughts on that one. No sooner had he started than she nodded again, like he didn't need to go on. Like she knew exactly what he was going to say. Like his words weren't what she wanted to hear and, therefore, meant nothing. "You know, from what I remember, he wasn't the only one at fault that night." They'd both thrown punches. In the end, though, she'd been the one knocked out. "Oh, oh, nice. Yeah. Just walk away, Dante." She followed him into the hallway. "It's what you're good at."

The rest of her words rolled off of his shoulders as he passed her by and made his way down the hallway. She followed him. What a surprise! Okay, so not all of her words rolled off of his shoulders. The last thing she said - Just walk away, Dante. It's what you're good at - hit him like a knife in the heart. He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and it lingered for a long time after the sentence had been said, and he slowed to a standstill. Hurt? Yeah. But it also pissed him off. "Nice. What do you want from me?" He asked as he turned to face her again, taking a step or two forward until he was standing face to face with her. "Seriously. What do you want from me? I fucking care about you, Eva!" He meant the words, however angry they sounded. "I stay quiet and back off and it bothers you, I actually try and voice my feelings on the situation and it bothers you. What else am I supposed to fucking do but walk away? There is nothing I can say or do that is going to satisfy you, is there? Is there?"

Her words were cruel, perhaps, but she meant them. She didn't shrink back from them, didn't regret them. She stood tall, still defiant, and met his stare head-on when he turned. Was he pissed? Did she care? Of course she cared, but she was angry. "What do I want from you? How about the truth?" He said he cared about her and for some reason that almost set her off again. On and on he went. How it wasn't good enough. How she was never satisfied, no matter what he said or did. Why did it even matter? "Oh, right. Just keep blaming me. You know, for someone who says he cares about me, you have a hell of a way of showing it. I mean, what does that even mean? You care about me. Like a sister? Like a friend? Like...." She turned away from him again - momentarily. Maybe it would have been for the best if she'd just let him leave, but she didn't, and when she turned to face him again, there was something different about her. There was a fire in her gaze, something a little wild, not like the hyperactive, innocent girl he was so used to. There wasn't anything sweet about her - there was nothing but a hint of danger and intent. Just how much had Lorenzo changed her? "God, do you even hear yourself? All you do is talk. You say you care. You say you want me. Wanted me," she corrected. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I just wanted you to...to...." She pushed him. It was more like a shove of frustration, more about getting it out of her system than about getting physical with him. At least, at first it was. However, there was something satisfying in it and she did it again - harder this time - and pushed him up against the hallway wall. Her eyes were a brilliant sort of blue as she looked up at him and her voice was low, no longer the frustrated yelling of before, but something even more intense. "Did you ever think maybe I just needed you to show me?"

The reason they cut was probably more because he knew there was truth to them. That is all he'd done with this situation, wasn't it. Run away. Why was that? Did he always blame her? He wasn't sure about that one, yet he did know there was some truth to it, even if her anger stretched the sentiment. When she turned back to him after turning away, there was a marked difference in the way she looked at him, talked to him. This wasn't...the Eva he remembered talking. It was a side of her he had never seen before and he initially didn't know what to make of it. She accused him of doing nothing but talking. That also wasn't far from the truth. But the rest of what she had said - it made it sound like she...didn't believe him anymore. Like she didn't believe that he cared for her, that he ... wanted her. He opened his mouth to say something in protest of that, but before he knew it she was continuing, asking him if he had ever stopped to think that maybe she just wanted him to....? To what? His mind barely got to ask that question before she had shoved him. He threw her a look, but it was ignored and she pushed him hard up against the hallway wall. Immediately, his body pulsed with adrenaline. The look she gave him stole his breath and the question threw him for a loop. Did you ever think maybe I just needed you to show me? He was silent, his eyes darker than usual as they looked right back into hers. Her tone was unlike anything he'd ever heard before from her. What did he say to a question like that? The truth. He swallowed before answering. "...Maybe I don't know how." His tone was quiet, lower, like hers. What had he meant by that? Maybe he didn't know how to show her? Why wouldn't he know how to show her?

It had really been a rhetorical question, hadn't it? Even if he'd had an answer, what would it matter now? Things were different. They'd settled. The dust had cleared. For so long, Eva had been uncertain of what she wanted. Who she wanted. Dante had tried to make it easier on her by stepping back, calling things off, walking away...from them. From what could have been. It had taken her a long time come to terms with that. He was no longer an option for her. She still had feelings for him. He'd had feelings for her, too. Or...so he'd said. In the end, however, he didn't want either of them getting hurt and she...she'd needed to do whatever she could just to hold on to his friendship. It had taken almost losing - no, not even almost losing, she had lost Lorenzo - for her to see that her decision had been made. She was with Lorenzo now. They were together. As dysfunctional as it was, they were a unit. Not necessarily a couple - or whatever - but he was the one who woke up next to her in the morning, who brought her take-out when she didn't feel like dealing with the outside world, who watched Dax when she was walking runways and soaking up the sun and surf of foreign beaches. That meant something, didn't it? Maybe I don't know how.... Eva met Dante's gaze again and pushed away from him. Her back hit the opposite wall and she exhaled loudly. She watched him. She still looked like the same girl he'd met a few years ago, still smiled the same, still laughed at the stupidest jokes, still wore those silly, colorful ankle socks and lounged around in her underwear. But the look in her eyes? It said she knew a lot more now than she had three years ago. The aura of innocence was fading. She was becoming less girlish and more like a woman...a woman who had desires and needs and who'd begun to understand that. "You know how, Dante." Her voice was still quiet. The movie had ended and the television was silent. The only other sound in the apartment was the Dax nosing around the kitchen in his food dish. "You knew how. You've always been so...." She let the words fade away because she figured her train of thought might inadvertently insult him. "Do you remember that night...in your kitchen?" She knew he did. He didn't have to answer. "You did...you made me feel things I'd never felt before. But...you never pushed me. You never did anything you didn't think I wanted you to do." She was thankful for that...in a lot of ways. She'd just never known that maybe she'd end up responding to that kind of thing, or the kind of guy who seemed to get a kick out of pushing her buttons, out of pushing her, until she had no choice but to push back. "You always took into consideration what I wanted. That's why you're such a great friend. The thing is, I wanted to know that you wanted me. And I don't mean I needed to hear you say it. You could say it a thousand times, and it would be nice to hear.... But words don't keep people warm at night, Dante." She stepped away from the wall and closed the distance between them. She didn't stop until her body was flush against his. She didn't touch him otherwise, didn't hold onto him, didn't kiss him. Her palms pressed flat against the wall on either side of him and she simply stood there, hips to hips, chest to chest. "I let you walk away, I'll give you that. Because I thought that was what you wanted. I thought that's what you needed. But don't say nothing you could say or do could satisfy me...just because you couldn't step up and take what you really wanted."

She was becoming more like a woman, wasn't she? He noticed the change. He knew her so well that it couldn't have been more obvious to him. She asked him if he remembered the night in his kitchen. Of course he did. How could he forget the way she looked at him as she sat there on his counter, the way she had moaned and breathed his name, the way she'd kissed him and held him close as he…. He was only preoccupied with the mental imagery for a few moments. When he came to, the very woman from his thoughts was standing there in front of him, as real as could be. Only she was different now. Everything was different now. They walked such a fine line. Only a half hour ago they were curled up on her couch like nothing was wrong with the world at all. Now they were here. She was telling him that...she wanted to know he wanted her. That words hadn't been enough. That they...didn't keep people warm at night. He didn't say anything as she came closer, as she closed the gap between their bodies. She felt so familiar against him and it made him swallow again before he exhaled silently through his nose. She let him walk away, she said. Had she? And if she had, had she really done so because she thought that was what he wanted? Was this all some sort of sick misunderstanding keeping them apart? It was the last part - which seemed to be the trend lately - that hit him in the gut. She had called him out, said that he couldn't step up and take what he really wanted. He didn't know what to say, what to do. He didn't make a move to settle his hands on her hips, or wrap his arms around her, or anything. Even now, it seemed he couldn't step up and take what he really wanted - even when she was right here, right in front of him. Maybe now, at this very moment, it was for a different reason. It hit him then and there - It's...too late now, isn't it? It sure seemed that way. So how did he respond to that sudden revelation on top of everything else? By saying nothing. His head tilted down slightly and his gaze spoke for him. He had resigned to the fact that he had, indeed, been unable to step up when it had mattered. But, somehow, he was able to translate his earlier thought into that look as well. He was silently asking her if it was too late now. Too late for him to show her.

For once, he didn't say anything. But then, he didn't really have to, did he? She was waiting. For what? Whatever it was...it didn't come. Eva felt a surprisingly intense stab of disappointment - followed immediately by a dull throb of guilt. She didn't have any right to say any of this. To do any of this. All she was doing was making things more complicated. She wasn't available and he...he.... God, she didn't know what was going on inside Dante's mind. She wasn't used to that. The way he looked at her had her holding her breath. It wasn't necessarily anticipation as much as it was, what, resistance to some sort of realization? Was it the same one he'd already come to? The silence stretched on and Eva met his gaze. No, she couldn't figure out what was going on inside his mind, but she knew the look in his eyes. There was resignation there. It was all the answer she needed, wasn't it? But there was still a question there. She wasn't sure exactly what it was...but she knew if he had to ask, it was too late. He still couldn't do it, could he? What if he did? Would it be enough? She had Lorenzo. She wanted Lorenzo. No, that didn't mean a part of her didn't belong to Dante, but it seemed he was incapable of taking advantage of that. Maybe that was just what made him...Dante. She ducked her head and, hands still braced against the wall, pushed away from him. They couldn't keep doing this. They wouldn't keep doing this. This was it. When she'd first told him about Lorenzo and he'd decided it would be for the best - for both of them - if he took himself out of the picture, she'd agreed because she hadn't wanted to hurt him. She'd known it wasn't fair to him that she wanted him to stick it out. She'd tried to back off, to make it easier on him. And now? What she'd said to him - it wasn't any more fair than it had been before. He'd made a mistake. If he'd wanted her as much as he claimed to, if he'd cared about her the way he said he had, he'd made the wrong call. Apparently...they'd have to live with that. "Okay." Her voice was rough, tight. When she looked back up at him, her expression was empty. It was over. Yeah, that's what her look said, but it was the sudden press of her body to his again, the way her hands clutched at the front of his shirt before sliding around the back of his neck, and the insistent press of her soft lips against his that spoke volumes. Her tongue teased the curve of his lower lip before her teeth bit down sharply. There was nothing hesitant or naive in the way that she kissed him. It was demanding. It was hot and undeniable and the way her nails scratched the back of his neck was meant to bring both pleasure…and pain.

Maybe silence hadn't been the best option, he thought to himself as he watched her react to his gaze. Maybe it would have been better to say something. To do something. But he didn't. He'd made his decision on how to react and he stuck with it. The silence seemed to drag on forever and was only broken when she averted her gaze and uttered that one, single word. Okay. It was another tone he didn't recognize on her. He wasn't used to the expression either. No sooner had he pushed away from the wall was she against him again. His back made a dull thud as he hit the wall again. Her hands didn't hide this time and roamed up his front and around his neck. He let a little sound out, something that caught in his throat, when she bit down sharply on his lower lip. It stung. She'd never done that to him before. Come to think of it, she'd never been this rough. Her kiss was indescribable and he'd have been hard-pressed to deny it, his head tilting just a bit so that he could return the kiss deeply, roughly, and in much of the same fashion. The way she kissed him and dragged her nails along the back of his neck sent a serious thrill through him, and it wasn't long before his hands lifted to grip her hips in a none-too-gentle fashion, designed to bring that same mix of pain and pleasure she'd given him moments earlier. Undeniable. That was truly the best word to describe Eva's actions. He couldn't have denied her if he wanted to.

She'd kissed him to make a point, but it was easy to forget that when his hands grabbed her and his fingers bit into her hips. The kiss itself became something more, something that released all of those pent-up desires that had accumulated over the last year. It was surprising to realize that it really had been just about a year since that that night when she'd given him her virginity. And now here they were. Not together. Complicated. Full of accusations and.... And this. Her palms slid along his jaw and she seemed to pull him closer. Air meant nothing to her. There was only the taste of his mouth and the dully painful grip of his fingers digging into her as he pulled her closer to him. Her clothing was flimsy, easily torn, but who was to say things would go that far? She bit him again and her lips moved down the length of his throat. She knew it wasn't something she was supposed to be doing. That didn't stop her as she pulled his hands away from her hips and pinned his wrists against the wall. Again, her nails bit into his skin, not caring about - or maybe intentionally causing - the pain it might bring. When she reached the base of his throat, she licked her way back up, reached that pulse point just below his jaw, and sucked until she could feel the heavy thud of his pulse as the blood rushed through his veins.

If, the day after that night with Eva, you told him he'd be here in a year, he would not have believed it. He wouldn't have believed it would be possible for their relationship to be so drastically different. He felt her biting grip on his wrists as she pulled them away and pinned them against the wall, and he drew in a sharp breath when she bit him again. That rough, low sound stuck in his throat again as she kissed her way down and then back up. The way she sucked at that pulse point below his jaw made his mind swim. She was so rough, so...intense, it was nearly overwhelming. Not because he couldn't handle it, no. It was overwhelming for another reason entirely. She was a far cry from the girl she'd been a year ago, nervous and wondering and innocent. He pushed back against her hold, not lightly but not with his full strength, testing just how serious she was about keeping his hands there. He knew he could break the hold if he really wanted to, but he didn't. Not yet, at least. He knew this wasn't something they should be doing either, but it obviously didn't bother him enough to make him say something.

It wasn't something either of them would have, could have, said they'd planned. A year ago, she'd been living in Los Angeles. A relationship with anyone had been out of the question. Even with Dante. She would have bet money it wouldn't have worked out...no matter how much she might have wanted it to. And then...things had changed. Everything had changed. She'd gotten involved with Lorenzo. She'd moved to New York. Their friendship had been severely tested. Nothing was the way it had been...except for some of those lingering feelings. Okay, all of those lingering feelings. When she felt him strain against her hold, Eva knew he was just testing her hold. She didn't let him go and, in fact, used what strength she had to slam arms back against the wall and hold them there as she raised her head and looked up at him. Her eyes were dark, turbulent with emotion, and she shook her head. "No. Why should you get to touch me? Now? You keep your distance. You say the things you think I want to hear. But you never...you never act on this. So when you look back on it," she said, still slightly breathless from their heated kiss and the weight that was crushing her chest, "I want you to know that at least I wasn't afraid to show you...what I wanted." Biting her own lip, she let him go and backed away again, needing some space between them.

She responded to his movement by slamming his arms back against the wall. He didn't push back against her hold again after that, but it mainly had to do with the fact that he was listening to her. Why should he get to touch her, she asked him. He kept his distance. Talked the talk. But never took action. That's what this was. She was showing him that she hadn't been afraid to do the very thing he hadn't. The last word she spoke before she backed away from him echoed and repeated in his mind. Wanted. Wanted. Did that mean...? He swallowed, his chest rising and falling lightly as he caught his breath, and stood there a moment, watching her stand there. Wanted. He opened his mouth to speak, but only a sigh came out. He bit down on the inside of his lips and nodded slowly, looking off to the side. "Okay. Yeah." Was that really all he could say? It was fairly difficult to say much more when you were speechless. Wanted. He knew what the smart thing was to do now. He knew he should leave. It was kind of bad that he couldn't even bring himself to look at her anymore at the moment. He looked back to her after a few moments of staring at whatever it was he was staring at, and it was hard to read the emotions on his face. "I...think I'm gonna go."

It was definitely hard to read the emotions on his face when she refused to look at him as well. Yeah. Okay. Why did it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt this much. She was happy. Her life was great. God. She was a freaking model. One day soon, maybe she'd even reach supermodel status - wasn't that her goal? Men everywhere would want her. Women would want to be her. People would see her face and consider it a standard of beauty. What more could a girl want? Oh. Right. Well, she had a man in her life. Strangely enough, she and Lorenzo were actually getting along right now. They had been, mostly, since they'd gotten back together. He'd even surprised her and cooked her a nice Valentine's Day dinner. He'd been...almost sweet (or as sweet as Lorenzo could possibly be)...that night. So yeah. She had everything going for her. There was absolutely no reason for this to feel as awful as it did. "Go." He'd barely gotten the words out when she was telling him to just leave, giving him permission, whatever you wanted to call it. With her back pressed against the wall and her face averted, she hugged her arms around her own body to stave off that feeling that she was going to fall apart. There was nothing else to say...so she simply waited for the sound of the door closing.

Well, she could rest easy knowing the feeling was mutual. He felt...ugh, he felt so many different things. None of them were good. It hurt. He grabbed his jacket quickly from the hanger on the way to the door and slipped it on. The way he left was unceremonious. He didn't look back. He didn't slam the door behind him. He just slipped his jacket on and left. On the other side of the door, he slipped his hands in his pockets and started down the hallway, slowing briefly to glance over his shoulder. What, did he think she was going to maybe come after him? Nah. He knew she wouldn't. He felt like his heart had just been torn out. There was a dull pain at the pulse point at his jaw. She'd left what he was certain was a fairly dark and noticeable mark. Nice. For days, he'd look in the mirror and be reminded of what she'd done to him as an example of his inability to take action. And how would he explain it to Bella? It was just one more thing to worry about, but in all honesty, he didn't care. Not right now. He was halfway down the block when he pulled out his cell phone and flipped around for Bella's number. Fuck it, who cares? He'd figure out how to explain the hickey to her later. He didn't have to hide it during a phone call with the girl, right? He needed the distraction. He needed anything other than the reminder of what had just happened. It was over. Whatever it was to begin with, it was over.