InsaneJournal

Current mood:

tired

[public entry]
Angie and I are leaving Berlin in a few hours. Fashion Week here was amazing. I'd forgotten how much fun Ang can be when she's not all married and junk. (j/k, Buns!)

We have two weeks and then she'll be back in the city for Fashion Week at Bryant Park.

I just said the same basic thing I said in my last journal entry, I know.

In other news, Lorenzo is an asshole. He pissed me off and I told him never to touch me again. Basically. Then my whore of a sister tricked me into seeing him. I don't think it was her idea to lock us up together at the garage. I'm sure that was the brainchild of her boy-toy.

Anyway. We "broke up". If you want to call it that. Now we're back together. If you want to call it that.

I know I'll catch hell from some people about that, but it's my decision. If things were different . . . well, maybe I'd have made a different decision. But they're not. So I don't know! I think, for right now, we understand each other. I'm good with that.

I cracked Rock's computer monitor while we were trapped in the office. It's Lo's fault, really. He's the one who made me throw shit at him. I'll replace it as soon as I'm back in the city, ok? Ok.


[private]

I flew home earlier from Miami. I wasn't having fun after Lo and I had that stupid fight. I couldn't sleep. Kept crying. Julia wouldn't leave me alone. Not that I wanted to be left alone.

I went to Dante's. Lorenzo said some hateful stuff when it came to Dante, but the fact is, he's one of my best friends. Not to mention, aside from Lo, he's the only one who could answer the questions I had. Like. Am I really only good for one thing? Is it stupid to think a guy might actually care about me? Did I make a serious mistake?

I care about Dante. I've always cared about Dante and I don't regret what we did. I wasn't in a good place when I went to see him and I probably shouldn't have stayed when he said he had somewhere to be. I said some things I shouldn't have said.

We fell asleep on his couch. Nothing happened.

I know he doesn't like Lorenzo. After everything we talked about, I think he might hate me too once he finds out we're "together" again. He'll say I deserve what I get. He'll just be waiting for something else to go wrong so he can say he told me so.

He's the one who backed off. He's the one who decided we shouldn't be more than friends. Yeah, I was torn between them, but I never lied about it. I have feelings for them both. Dante took himself out of the equation.

I won't say that's why I ended up with Lorenzo. If I didn't want to be with him, I wouldn't be. But because Dante backed off, I dunno, I guess I've been able to spend a lot more time with Lo . . . and I've found I like spending time with him. I like waking up next to him. I like that half of his wardrobe is in my closet. Even when he's being a dick, I think it gets to me so much cuz I actually care about him.

He cares about me too. I don't think that's easy for him to admit, but he does. I don't know what we are. I don't think there has to be a name for it. But he wants me. Not just my body, but me. I think.

That's enough.