InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Rubber ducky you're the 1"

Eva Manoso (model__behavior) wrote,
@ 2008-11-30 15:17:00

Current mood:

melancholy

[public entry]
A week ago, if you’d asked me what I was thankful for, I would have said the usual. You know, good friends, great family, an amazing career that’s in the midst of blowing sky-high. I really thought my next big journal update would be all about how I got punched in the face by one of the two guys in my life. The other one pushed me down. I bruised my ass. Did you know that was possible? Yeah. Exciting.

Instead, none of that matters.

I don’t even want to talk about it, really. Talking about it makes it real. I don’t want it to be real. I don’t want to think about it. I want to pretend it’s all a part of some bad dream and that I’m going to wake up. I’d give up everything that’s happened in the last year if it meant I could open my eyes and be back in that apartment in LA that we shared. I’d burn another bag of popcorn and Blue would come out to laugh at me and then we’d go out for pizza, looking fly the way we always did.

She was supposed to come visit for Christmas. It was going to be the three of us again, Hannah, Blue and me. Just like in LA.

I still have her Christmas present sitting on my living room table. I bought it while I was in Miami. I was going to wrap it. It was going to be the first present I put under my tree. After I got a tree, I mean.

I spent Thanksgiving in Seattle. One day, like, fifty years from now, I’ll look back and be mad at her for that. I hate Seattle. I just can’t leave right now. I don’t know why. It’s like I’m closer to her, as long as I’m here. Angie and Alexei have been letting me crash in their guest room. We all went to Thanksgiving dinner at Lydia’s. The day is a blur for me. I can’t remember who was there, except for Hartwell. It’s hard to miss his big, shaggy head. I just did what I could to stay out of everyone’s way. The last thing people want is someone raining on their Thanksgiving Day parade, right?

I miss her. I missed her before, but now it’s like I’ll never stop missing her.

(Post a new comment)

	run_hard 2008-11-30 03:48 pm UTC (link)
	Sorry to hear about your friend Eva. Its never easy losing anyone your close too. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	model__behavior 2008-11-30 03:52 pm UTC (link)
	Want to fly to Seattle? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	run_hard 2008-11-30 04:16 pm UTC (link)
	I'll be out on the next flight. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	model__behavior 2008-11-30 04:21 pm UTC (link)
	You can bring your gun if you want. They might want to cavity search you before you board the plane. But if you have a license to carry, maybe you'll be okay. By the way, thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	run_hard 2008-11-30 04:31 pm UTC (link)
	I think I'll leave my gun at home, this time. No problem, wouldn't want to be anywhere else. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	evanhartwell 2008-11-30 03:55 pm UTC (link)
	I'm glad you came to Thanksgiving. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	model__behavior 2008-11-30 04:11 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks. Your head really is big though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	evanhartwell 2008-11-30 04:24 pm UTC (link)
	It's full of hot air. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	last_standing 2008-11-30 08:53 pm UTC (link)
	Its never easy losing anyone your close too, I'm sorry you had to go through that. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	model__behavior 2008-11-30 09:19 pm UTC (link)
	It definitely wasn't in my list of top ten things I wanted to go through any time soon. Or. Ever. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	last_standing 2008-11-30 09:30 pm UTC (link)
	I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you'll never forget her. You'll miss her like crazy, but at some point it won't be such a bitter feeling. It'll just be a good feeling, because you'll remember who she was, not how you lost her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	model__behavior 2008-11-30 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	I don't want to have to remember her. I want her to be here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	last_standing 2008-11-30 10:19 pm UTC (link)
	I know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] model__behavior 2008-11-30 10:40 pm UTC (link)
	I don't expect you to be here. But I do expect you to be there when I get back. And by "there" . . . I mean . . . my apartment. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [private] last_standing 2008-11-30 10:43 pm UTC (link)
	There, as in your apartment. I'll need the address. or I could just meet you at the airport. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[private] model__behavior 2008-12-01 10:10 pm UTC (link)
	JFK. Wednesday. Probably after 7 PM. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	[ Eva ] _t_a_n_g_o_ 2008-12-01 03:03 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry I couldn't stay for Thanksgiving with you all. I had to get home to EB. Eva, do you want me to come back? I don't... like being here without you here. It's worse when we're not together. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	[ Hannah ] model__behavior 2008-12-01 09:35 pm UTC (link)
	I'm sorry, Hannah. I didn't mean to stay. It's just hard, you know? But I'll come back soon. Wednesday. I'll come home. You stay with EB. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[ Eva ] _t_a_n_g_o_ 2008-12-01 11:18 pm UTC (link)
	I would have stayed if I'd brought EB with me. You can stay with us for a while, if you want. You know we have the spare room. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	[For Eva] go_around_town 2008-12-01 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	I sat here for about a half hour trying to figure out what to say. I still don't know what to say. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	[For Dante] model__behavior 2008-12-01 10:18 pm UTC (link)
	Just come sit with me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [For Dante] go_around_town 2008-12-01 10:24 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	[For Dante] model__behavior 2008-12-01 10:26 pm UTC (link)
	I say it is. (Reply to this) (Parent)